I had the most ridiculously traumatizing time trying to get home from Kentucky.



More to come.

I'm sleepy.

Drove to Lansing this morning. Woke up when TDH was leaving (like, 4:45am) and got on the road at 6:30am. TDH is watching puppy--- excited for them to bond!

I'm super tired now... nearing the end of the day. I can't wait to check into my room and then explore the mall that's less than a mile away. I want to complete my outfit for Friday night :)

I just booked my flight to San Francisco for the end of February! I'm pretty stoked. I've only visited in the summer. I'll be there for 4 full days. Laika will be completely housebroken by then (hopefully) so I won't feel as bad leaving her behind. I'll be visiting my wonderful cousin and meeting her fiance for the first time. There are still a few areas of the city I haven't been to yet, like Haight-Ashbury, so I want to make it a point this time. Also, she moved and now she lives much closer to places I haven't explored yet! Her wedding is slated for end of summer (not confirmed) so there's a chance, depending on the location, that I could return again within just a few months! Which is totally fine with me since the flight this trip cost roughly $200... what a steal! I'm happy, even though I'm exhausted :)

Blobligation

I'm here, I'm alive.

I was on business in Lansing, MI for three days. Went to Ikea while I was near Ann Arbor.

Missed TDH & pup.

Planning a San Fran visit for February.

Back to Lansing next week.

Ski trip to NY for New Year's.

Meeting with the girls for a late lunch and gift exchange Sunday.

Nutcracker next Friday :)

Winter has descended.

It's winter. We haven't had a good snow yet, but I feel like just moping around in sweats... like "getting pretty" is too much effort. I miss being outside. It's worse when it's the gross kind of winter. Pretty winter makes me happy. I just want to be warm and tucked away where no one can see if I happen to look how I feel.

Thirsty Ear, On the Road

Last night went to the Thirsty Ear with TDH and had an awesome pizza and listened to some great folks at the best open mic night in Columbus. Seriously, we didn't think a single person who went up there sucked. Glamazon & her date met up with us and she enjoyed it thoroughly and we eagerly plan to return- maybe even next week! We definitely had a favorite performer or two-- these cats had soul, for sure.

Anyway, so I'm going on a trip up to Lansing for work Mon-Weds and it'll be a nice time, I think. I'm looking forward to it. Although, it's up in the air how often I'll have to travel. I'm hearing on one (more reliable) end that it'll be once or twice a month. My manager speculates double that. Oy. I just hope I'm not gone so often that it hurts pup's development and attachment with me. I've got some good things going on here in Columbus right now and I don't want to be away too much. I also have some new things in my life that I'm trying to nurture (pup, boyfriend... my faith) and I don't want frequent travel to be a wrench tossed into my awesome life.

Anyway, cross your fingers that OSU goes to the Fiesta Bowl so that TDH and I can go to New York for New Year's to go skiing and get out of town! (If OSU doesn't play until Jan 5, then TDH gets the week off of work... isn't it nuts? Having your life revolve around what sports team plays when? Kinda cool, but crazy, still.)

Life Recap

I guess it's been a week since I've had a realdeal blog posted.

Last week was pretty good. Only worked Monday & Tuesday. Went out with Glamazon & friend Tuesday night to see Eric Hutchinson at The Basement. Pretty good time. Wednesday I ran around doing things such as taking pup to Pet People and got a haircut. That evening, we met up with TDH, Sister2 & his mom (& co) at the Blue Jacket's game. They lost. Then met up at a quasi-HS reunion near his high school until late. Was a good time- I was happy to see him reconnect with people he doesn't see very often.
Thursday I was slow moving, baked some cookies from scratch and some cupcakes that I left in the oven too long. Made it to the parental's by 2 with pup. Turkey (precooked) wasn't even in the oven yet. So FFWD 2 hours later to actually eating. I was in a dress. Ma, Pa & bro were hardly dressed for the occasion. Felt a little unThanksgivingy. I think I prefer having a ton more people around. I napped on the couch while Little Bits terrorized the family poodle. Awoke to mom telling me I should hit the road before all the drunkies do. That was that.
Friday I avoided all shopping, aside from stopping into Posh Pets in the ShoNo. Ate some 'za at a little place and TDH and I decided we are going to start a blog/site called RoniZa and we will review every pepperoni pizza we ever share together. After...went to L's fashion show where she did hair. Was good to see her. Great job.
Saturday we went shopping! Decent crowd, I'm sure, compared to what Black Friday must have been like. Still came away with some good deals. Got Laika a Coach collar for $10... bright red to contrast with her white fur. Returned right before we left and picked up 2 for S's pups :)

Yesterday, Sunday, was a good day. I actually went to church with TDH. I almost had an anxiety attack (or several) as I was acclimated to the setting. I woke up with a headache... I felt overdressed ... almost everyone in the tiny catholic church had on jeans and a sweater. TDH looked very handsome in his new threads and comforted me throughout the service. All of the up-down-kneel action and different motions the whole time made me nervous because I felt so out of place since I didn't know what was going on. I liked the songs sung in latin and the reverence of the church body. Once it was over with (I mean, not saying it was like getting a shot or anything), I felt better about it. We had a very nice brunch at Spagio... putzed around for a while and had a great dinner at Genji (a hibachi grill) with S & K. The boys played nice and I love seeing S when I can. TDH had never been to a Japanese style steakhouse and it was fun to go with a newbie. All in all, a good day, a good evening.

Today I got a filling replaced during lunch... I'm just now regaining feeling in my face.

And that's that.

Gobble.

Back from Thanksgiving already.

Stolen from T, who stole it from someone else:

Proust Survey from Vanity Fair Magazine:
What is your current state of mind?
Relaxed... wondering what I can do tomorrow that is not shopping related.

What is your greatest fear?
Not being able to have my own, healthy babies.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
My reluctance and stubbornness to learn new tasks... when I know very well that I'll learn quickly and it won't be a big deal.

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
People who can't appreciate things that are done for them or the things they have in life. When a person complains but doesn't do anything to remedy the situation they are crying about.

Which living person do you most admire?
It's hard to think about who I most admire, but on good days I really admire my mom. And I very much look up to my cousin, Sung, who lives in San Francisco. She is amazing and in my life I hope I can do half the amazing things she does.

Which living person do you most despise?
Eh.

On what occasion do you lie?
I don't think I lie very much. Maybe to spare someone's feelings... in which I might lie about an opinion.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?
I love my puppy. I love music.

When and where were you happiest?
Recently? When I got my doggie. Walking her home with TDH, shuffling through the leaves and enjoying the fall.

Which talent would you most like to have?
I would love to be able to play the piano.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
My lack of motivation to be healthier.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
The life I lead right now. I am proud of myself. My degree. Minimal debt. A good career. I'm on the right track.

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would it be?
For some reason, a fountain just popped into my head. This doesn't really answer the question, but I would love to be a fountain. A landmark. A place where people meet, have first kisses, make wishes.

What is your favorite occupation?
Is this a way of asking what I want to be when I grow up? An editor.

Who are your favorite writers?
I like Dave Sedaris, Laurie Notaro, F. Scott Fitzgerald, AAC.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
The Velveteen Rabbit. Rikki-Tikki-Tavi.

Who are your heroes in real life?
My parents aren't perfect, but they've done so much for me and made me who I am.

What are your favorite names?
I like my name :) Also, Vivian (which, I liked BEFORE the whole Knox/Viv thing), Laika :), Etienne.

What is your greatest regret?
Not much. Maybe not taking advantage of certain situations.

How would you like to die?
With a loved one holding my hand... without fear.

What is your motto?
We've already discussed this, I have about a hundred.


Inside the Actor's Studio Questions:

What is your favorite word?
That's tough. Halcyon. Chartreuse. Serendipity... I could go on all day.

What is your least favorite word?
Gleek.

What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Loss. It makes you reevaluate yourself in each of those realms. (Unfortunately.)

What turns you off creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
Cliches.

What sound or noise do you love?
Children laughing. Fingers sliding across guitar strings. Leaves.

What sound or noise do you hate?
Anything squeaky after I've had my teeth whitened... ouuuuch.

What is your favorite curse word?
heh... shitballs?

What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
If money were not an issue, I would love to teach small children.

What profession would you not like to do?
Anything involving number crunching.

If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
I'm proud of you -- you really got it. Now, I'd like to introduce you to your grandmother. She's been waiting a long time. <- T, that made me want to cry.
My answer: "Thanks."

Must Love Dogs

Now I get it.

Evener.

Well, it's been awhile. I'm sleepy, but here goes.

Wednesday I had a nice late "lunch" with a friend from high school. I'm guessing I haven't seen her in four years, but it was very nice as she just relocated here and doesn't know a ton of people yet.

Thursday I had a crazy run-around with the promotion I was managing. After a slight crisis, I was able to enjoy TDH's charity auction event. Then my face started bleeding. Above my lip. I scratched myself and my face wouldn't stop bleeding at a steady flow for 10-15 minutes! So I hung out in the bathroom for a while and tried not to have a panic attack. All in all, TDH's event went well. I bid on brunch with him and the cohost of his Sunday AM show. Let's just say $50 later and I'd better enjoy the company ;)

Friday I had the day off from day-job, but had to run around doing promo stuff.

Saturday was OSU vs MI! Of course we won. I had to wake up insanely early and march through the cold hauling lots of crap. I worked two different promotions and had a nice little relaxing evening with pup.

Sunday was quite nice. Had to meet up with marketing guy to get stuff squared away, J swung by to meet pup and catch up for a minute, and had a wonderful evening with TDH. We went and saw Role Models. Met up with one of his friends at Smith & Wollensky to help with a bottle of wine and ate at the Cheesecake Factory. We ended up too full to feel comfortable, but it was a much needed date night.

I've been all bakey-bakey domestic lady lately. Baking relaxes me. Grocery shopping relaxes me. (Well, I guess shopping in general relaxes me.) Tonight I'm going to a show with the Glamazon (ha!) I have the day off tomorrow. Probably going to the salon. Thanksgiving-ing in 937 on Thursday (versus in Lville). Sunday having dinner at the hibachi grille. I'm probably missing something but I needed to type this all out to regroup.

Quitting the news.

The news is fired:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081119/ap_on_re_us/odd_penny_bill

Mass. woman's 1 cent debt paid in full

ATTLEBORO, Mass. – A 74-year-old blind woman's 1 cent debt to a Massachusetts city has been settled.

People from across the country called Attleboro City Hall on Tuesday offering to pay the 1 cent balance owed by Eileen Wilbur for an overdue water and sewer bill.

Antonio Viveiros, a former city councilor who does not know Wilbur, wrote a check for one penny. He says he was "irked" by the fact that the federal government can spend billions for bailouts, yet a senior citizen was threatened with a lien on her home over 1 cent.

Wilbur's daughter first noticed the letter that warned of a lien and a $48 penalty if the overdue bill was not paid by Dec. 10.

Mayor Kevin Dumas says the whole situation was blown out of proportion.

I am appalled! What collections agent is just sitting around doing their job, coming across a one-cent bill that has an outrageous penalty attached to it and doesn't just pay for it right there? I would seriously have written the damn $.01 check myself! And not to mention the stupid water company! Simply a technicality, it's not like anyone in this country could not afford one penny. Walk down the street with your head down and you'd likely come up with twice as much as that woman's bill was for in a matter of seconds! This makes me sad for humanity.

And this also makes me sad for jackasses in this country:

Idiot Bride

Reading Yahoo! news just pisses me off anymore.

Advent.

Christmas is five weeks away.

Holy $#*% !!

Last night I put my little tree up and started wrapping some of the presents I already have. I love holidays! I can't wait to make little star, stocking and candy cane shaped dog treats and holiday cupcakes, and sip hot chocolate next to my fire ... watching Love, Actually and snuggling with pup and sweetie.

It snowed and some of it stuck to the grass yesterday. Pup almost disappeared against the shadowy white. You could see her little black eyes and that was it. Her little paws get so cold, though!

When I left the house today she was in her crate (!) and last night I was able to get her to walk with me to the mailbox on her leash. She was a bit whiny, but we're working on it.

The stress of this week is going to catch up to me right about when I get off work tonight. Oy.

Weekend Recap

Mondays feel like Mondays.

Friday night was pretty low key, save a sushi dinner, but I managed to very greatly miss my puppy. She was shipped off to the country with TDH's family so they could care for her while I was in Cincinnati Saturday/Sunday. I actually had free time I could have devoted to her and I was amazed at the time I had on my hands to just saunter about aimlessly at Half Price Books. Too much thinking of Pup though, because I walked out with a puppy training book and Marley & Me.

Woke up early Saturday and A & S picked me up and we headed to the 'Nati. J's account of the weekend is pretty accurate. We managed to pack in 3 huge meals, heaps of shopping and some gambling in just under 24 hours. Might I add that these activities spanned three different states.

After a quick and manic stop at the Outlet on the way home, I made it just in time to throw on some new clothes and fly out the door with TDH to pick up pup and have dinner with the family. I was very proud of how well Laika did with them. Everyone was very sweet to me and I was glad to meet everyone all at once. TDH's mom is a great cook and wonderful hostess and I felt very welcomed. Pup served as a great ice breaker and topic of conversation as well. All in all, it was a very enjoyable evening.

This week is going to be very busy! And on top of everything going on (orchestrating a promo, JB coming to town, MLO fundraiser, it's Beat Michigan week...) I'm going to attempt to crate babygirl this week! TDH has a crazy week, too. Can't wait for Sunday already, but I'm taking Friday off from work so at least I can sleep in a bit then... and by sleep in I mean mutter "shhhhh pup!" from 6am-7am.

Hello, Goodbye.

Yesterday, while I was working from home, I got a call from Dad inviting me for a bon voyage dinner back home. I made the one hour trek with Laika and when I got to the house we walked in quietly and I called out, "Grandma! Grandpa!" to which my Mom only slightly freaked out but when she saw my little cottony-white bundle of love I thought she was going to kill me!

We penned her up and went to dinner. When we got back, LaiLai hadn't had any accidents and pottied outside right away. After this development, coupled with Lai's inability to shed just yet, my mom was smitten. Ginger, the family poodle, was a wreck. She wouldn't look me in the eye and would barely let me touch her. She was betrayed. TDH told me when he first met her that he's never seen an animal love a person as much as Ginger loves me. So naturally, she was upset when I brought home a pup.

All in all, it was a nice brief visit. Said goodbye to pop who is driving to ATL tomorrow to start the new job Monday. Everyone got to meet little Laika, who managed to impress the most pretentious of dog owners.

This morning I had to see ta to the pup myself, as TDH's family will be puppysitting for me while the girls and I are in Cinci visiting Miss Diet-Z. This means we'll get a full night of sleep tonight but I will miss her until we pick her up Sunday. This is also a good excuse for the first time meeting TDH's fam. But I will miss babybug and burying my face in her fur, smelling the eau de puppy mixed with the scent of the leaves she has rolled around in. Her little mumble sounds when I pick her up. And her precious, sweet pretty face with white eyelashes cupping her beady little eyes...

Hi, I am Agnostic.

I am a happy agnostic. Well, until recently.

How do I describe my agnosticism? I can be a skeptical person. But I am a hopeful person. I don't think the world is completely devoid of a higher power. There are some things in life that are just too wonderful to be random (unless of course we start talking about whether or not human life is completely arbitrary and meaningless in a grand scheme).

Religion has never been anything that has weighed too heavily on my heart. Once the inner workings of Christianity stopped making sense to me, I didn't really feel like I was missing anything deep in my soul. It's pure luck that I was born into western civilization and therefore was introduced to the concept of a Christian God from my earliest memories. I wish I could shake some of the things that society has imprinted upon everyone such as the white-bearded image of God or the big booming voice of a fearful God. But I can't, simply because these are the associations that were ingrained in me as a small child. (This is why I highly respect the Muslims that follow the tradition of banning any depictions of Mohammad... it frees them from a tainted mental image during prayer or meditation.) The floaty face of the Wizard of Oz, the bearded and withered Father Time, the white-suited Morgan Freeman... very comical concepts and presentations of "God" which I cannot take seriously. I feel silly "talking" to "that guy".

Anyway, sure I had some issues with "the church" when I was younger. Corrupt individuals. Poseurs, if you will. Wolf in sheep's clothing. This was a turn off.

I moved around a lot when I was young so we never found a church. Not that I think that Mom & Dad would have found us one anyway. But I was raised to think outside of the box and figure things out myself. Not with any religious beliefs I needed to adhere to, not with any political leanings.

I cannot even for a moment believe, with a fraction of the conviction that some Christian's do, some of the stories in the bible. I know they are probably just allegories on how to live a good life and love and fear God. But Jesus rising from the dead? Immaculate conception? The second coming? I can't do it.

I respect anyone with solid morals and who live by treating others as they would like to be treated. I myself strive for altruism and integrity. Thus I respect Christians, atheists, Buddhists, Jews, Hindus and anyone of any creed that tries to live a just life.

My God, if one such exists, is forgiving, understanding, kind. If God judges at all, it's based on intentions. If a person has good intentions throughout life, why shouldn't he or she enjoy a good whatever-comes-after?

Well, anyway, my content with my agnosticism and carefree approach to theology has been rocked by someone I care very deeply for. I fear that unless I give this whole Christian God thing an honest shot, he'll leave me. That it could be his deal breaker. I've always said that maybe one day I'll explore and discover spirituality that I'm happy with when I have a family and find my idea of God with my husband and even my children. No two individual's concepts of God will ever be the same. But I think if they have similar values and exhibit a willingness to help others and make themselves happy, then things can work.

What is God, anyway? We are human. We will never fully comprehend. Our little brains cannot even begin to grasp the concept. I'm sure God is greater than our minds can even strive to reach. And that's why I'm agnostic. I don't know, and neither do you. I know that's where people of all creeds chime in, "That's what faith is." Well, I choose to put my faith in other, more tangible things. I'm not saying I won't ever try, that's why I'm the kind of agnostic I am (leaning towards the existence, rather than away) and I am not an atheist.

But yeah, there's probably more I've hashed out, but in a nutshell, that's me. That's what I believe (or don't).

pUpdate

Not one accident for me today! I came home at lunch to work from home for the rest of the workday and Laika has been so good! If we're on the couch she'll whine if she needs to go out- and I don't have to be outside with her long, she potties right away.

So proud of pup :)

Introducing...

Laika!!

(Like-a)

Named because a) I love the Arcade Fire song and b) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laika

She is 1/8 akita and the rest yellow lab. Eight weeks old. Already paper trained and potties outside :) She's so good... haven't heard much out of her. Left her home and she just curled up in her bed and didn't cry.

We'll see... but so far she's a real gem!

Looks like...

I might bring home a little Laika or Crusoe. Depends on if a pick a little girl or a little boy. Update later :)

Dog.

I think I'm going to try this again. It's been 3 years since the first time I tried and a large part of that struggle was due to the fact that Burger was already 4 months old, had only lived in a box until that time and he had some health issues. Besides, I'm older and wiser now.

I have this insatiable desire to have a pet. I can't get a kitty because a certain person who is very dear to me is allergic and we can't have that. I mean, I've got TDH in my life now and you certainly would think that I get enough affection in my life... but I need a little flufferball. I don't know if it's because all of a sudden I have abandonment issues with my parents moving away or something, but I very much need a little thing that will love me unconditionally and keep me grounded. Shedding? Whatever. Needing to go potty at all hours in the snow? Pshhh. It's responsibility and sacrifice that I'm willing to take. I will just buy more lint rollers.

Sure, holidays and travel will require a little bit more maneuvering, but people do it every single day and I have friends that more than love dogs who I'm sure I could hit up for a little puppy sitting once in a blue moon. TDH has mentioned a couple of times the cost of a dog... but people have hobbies and interests that cost much more than a loving, healthy pup ever would.

My job enables me to occasionally work from home, so if I feel the need to stay with pup for half a day at home while he's being trained (or a whole day working from home) it would definitely be doable.

Point is, people get dogs all the time and they manage. And I want to manage. With a bundle of love.

There ya have it, Nation...

We will have our first biracial president :)

(Good enough, right?)

Also...

I hate mudslinging. Either way. It makes everyone look bad. It confuses voters and is chalk full of misinformation, lies and poor manners. I want to hear what Candidate A has to offer! Not what he/she thinks of Candidate B! Smearing does nothing but piss people off and make people from Party B even more set in their ways. I would be more likely to switch from Party B to Party A if Party A gave me something to think about in support of them not against Party B. Each party is guilty of mudslinging but I think it just shows a lack of class and is juvenile like when being in kindergarten: "But... but... HE stole all the crayons!" I think it is counterproductive for voters who are trying to become educated... they turn on the TV and are just bombarded with ominous music and scowling citizens.

/soapbox.

I will say this...

When I read Sarah Palin's name on the ballot this morning the words "This is so surreal" ran through my head. She's created nothing but a media circus and has launched her own brand of celebrity in the past few weeks. Reading her name- I felt like I could have been reading "Elizabeth Hasselbeck" on that screen. It cemented it in my head: damn, this is real.

IDK. We'll see tonight.

When the moon hits your eye...

I voted today! And no, I'm not telling you for who! But I did vote YES! on issue 6-- bring casinos home! I already pay enough taxes for shit I could care less about, so why not pay taxes on something I might use? Right on.

Anyway, last night we made a pizza together and it was delicious and fun and painfully easy. Also, I love grocery shopping and will take any occasion to do so. TDH brought me home a surprise, too! Season 3 of Arrested Development, which was on my wish list (which you can view from my blogger profile). Now my collection is complete :) ... until the movie comes out in like, 2023!
< /sarcasm> Anyway, I'm excited to watch the whole series from the beginning again.

This work week, apart from elections, is going to be pretty uneventful. I mean, I have dinner with S & E on Thursday and as per usual, I'll see a lot of TDH, but I don't have anything for 1460 or any concerts... which means I need to dedicate myself to things like laundry and.... this post just got really boring.

I love SJC :)

That is all.

(BTW, girl, it won't let me subscribe to you!! LAME.)

Eureka!

Greetings from my brand new Dell laptop :)
Everything is wonderful and works. I was able to plug my old hard drive into this thing and SCORE! everything is accessible! My old desktop, documents, pictures, music... electronic bliss. However, I don't have a whole lot of time to tinker with everything today because TDH and I are heading to Dayton in an hour or so.

We had an awesome time in Pittsburgh (I'll be posting pictures to the 'Book soon) which resulted in a very hungover Saturday. We went to a few bars on Thursday night, crashed at a Crowne Plaza so we could sleep in, did a little shopping, went back downtown because I left my debit card at a bar, ate at the famous Primanti Bros, wandered around a bit, experienced the Duquesne Incline and then headed back to TDH's buddy's place to prepare for the Halloween shindig. It was a fun time, met a lot of really fun folks and enjoyed all of the evening's antics... which had everything to do with the aforementioned hangover. I could go into a lot more detail, but I have to get ready to see the fam! Au revoir!

Dear Blog,

So many reasons to love life :)

• Tomorrow my laptop comes in! But I will be in Pittsburgh. So I'm going to come back to the office after we get back and pick it up. Very excited to finally have it and start playing with it (and see if my old hard drive with everything on it still works)!
• TDH and I are going on a little trip tonight! After I get home from work we are hitting the road for Pittsburgh for a couple of days. It'll be a nice opportunity to spend uninterrupted quality time with TDH. Because of his work schedule, he has to get into work by about 5am most mornings, works Friday nights, most Saturdays all day and Sunday mornings. This is mostly due to football season and we've managed to see eachother every day, but it'll be nice knowing we'll have few obligations to worry about for a couple of days.
• I'm planning a get together at the apartment next Sunday. A chance for people to see the new place, meet TDH and enjoy some wine and micro brews. So far I've had a healthy amount of RSVPs and am looking forward to playing hostess for an evening.
• Less exciting (for me, anyway): Dad starts his new job in Atlanta on the 17th and Mom is putting the house on the market. She's been told it'll probably go fast because of the location and how ridiculously well taken care of it is. Got to get as much family time in as I can, I guess.
• In two weeks I'll be going to Cincinnati for an overnight trip with the girls to pay a visit to Miss J. (To TDH: Oh yeah, forgot to tell you about this because we just figured this out yesterday.) Not really sure what's on the agenda, but it's always nice to get out of town with good people.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to November!

A'ight, so I've been getting some flack for my blogs just being play-by-plays of my life instead of getting inside of my head. So, I decided to revisit something from my old blog, posted May 2005.

11: In love, is intensity or permanence more important to you? How much do you expect from someone who loves you? What would make you feel betrayed by your mate - indifference? dishonesty? infidelity?

Intensity is most important b/c I think it's the best foundation if you eventually figure out you want them to stick around. Passion keeps people close.

I expect to be appreciated by someone who loves me/is in a relationship with me. I would walk on broken glass for the people I care about and I don't do it to get anything in return other than a little kindness, thanks and gratitude.

I would feel most betrayed by my partner... well ouch. Those are all pretty hardcore. I really haven't been cheated on (that I know of, let me know if I'm mistaken) but I know it really fucks people up and after my past experiences, I'm trying to steer clear of men who have been cheated on by a SIGNIFICANT significant other- it makes them too weary and nervous in new relationships.
Indifference blows. Recently encountered this. It's heartbreaking because you never know what they're thinking, how much you mean to them or if they really care about you. Even if they just *say* you mean a lot to them, it's not the same as doing the little things that mean so much more. You just don't get a feeling of affection.
Dishonesty is never good and I think that's the root for most problems so I think that one would win.

Without rereading my answer (I really don't remember what I wrote)... Here's my answer now:

11: In love, is intensity or permanence more important to you? How much do you expect from someone who loves you? What would make you feel betrayed by your mate - indifference? dishonesty? infidelity?

I think permanence is important. Intensity is never constant and sometimes isn't sincere. I think it's similar to the difference between love and lust. This question is essentially, WYR love hard or love forever? I'd take forever.

From someone who loves me (and I love back), I would expect mutual respect, adoration, appreciation and consideration.

I think all of those things would make me feel terrible... but I think the worst would be indifference. If either dishonesty or infidelity were to occur... and indifference was the response once I found out, I would be more devastated than if my mate expressed remorse. And if someone was indifferent to me I would always suspect dishonesty. I need positive attention and apathy from someone I loved would leave me a broken person.

____________________

Okay, I went back and read the original set of answers... and it sounds like I'm the same person, but 3 1/2 years at such an impressionable time in life can really change a person's perspective.

What do you think?

Weekend Recap

Friday I went to the CBJ game with Pa. A good time, but they lost.

Worked for 1460 Saturday and then watched some new kids that night while I watched the Buckeyes lose.

Sunday I ate too many meals, but all for the sake of good company. Had a wonderful day with my boyfriend which included ice cream, playing with puppies (him: a golden, me: a doxie), costume hunting and just good quality time. He found his (Mario) and I'm still on the hunt for mine (Princess Peach).

We're going to Pittsburgh Thursday night- Saturday afternoon to visit a friend of his. Very much looking forward getting out of town and going on our first little trip :) Then dinner with the fam in the 937 Sunday after he gets done with his Sunday AM show. Dad starts his new job November 17 and he'll be leaving a few days sooner than that. As soon as the house is sold, Mom & Baby Bro will follow. Will miss everyone :(

Skinnamarink.

Sorry I've been so neglectful, Blog. I've had lots to do at work. I'm not going to say I've been busy necessarily, but I have an endless amount of tasks. Don't worry, I still find room for procrastination.

I'm not going to write vomit-inducing prose about young love and starry eyes, but I will say this: I've been extremely happy this month. (Yes, still.) I think I'm going on the most consecutive days of being in a happy mood that I've experienced probably since I was 6 and didn't give a shit about anything but my dog and playing outside in the American southwest. I mean, there was that one day that I was pretty bummed about the prospect of my parents moving to the ATL but that feeling was quickly remedied by sushi and good company.

Tonight I'm taking Papa to the CBJ game. He's never been before and he's just driving up on his own so we can have some father-daughter time. His birthday was yesterday and this will be his gift. Time (& beer) with the elder child.

I guess I have some other exciting things that I could write about right now but I'm kind of distracted so I'll tell ya all about it later.


ETA: Oh, yeah! I ordered a laptop. Will be here 11/03. Thank gawwd.

Firsts

Yesterday I was pretty bummed about the whole family situation and TDH, on a mission to see me smile, took me out for sushi. But! He had never had a sushi dinner before. We ate at Tyfoon which has a beautiful ambiance and good Monday specials. I was delighted to show him the ropes. I was quite surprised at how naturally he took to chopsticks despite never having eaten with them before. He really liked the edamame, too. Next time we'll have to go all out and do sake and miso.

Last night I lit the fireplace for the first time. Spent some cash at Lowes and hauled some faux wood home for a little heat and ambiance. I'm excited for this weather and dread the day when it starts to get old. For now, I'm loving leaves and pumpkins and hot chocolate and sweaters and all of the crisp smells.

Find me! :)

http://www.1460thefan.com/live/content/promotions/fangirls/index.html

Welp...

Dad got the job.

Weekend Recap

'Morning.
Friday night was pretty low key, as was Saturday. My apartment finally got the domestic attention it needed from me and now it's easier to relax when I actually am home. Sunday was spent with TDH, and I baked a couple batches of cookies and met some of his friends.

I'm still happy - with no end in sight :)

I need water!

The apartment complex is without water at the moment.

I am filthy.

Which means I am confined to my house unless I want to take a whore's bath using bottled water.

Well, shit.

Just got a phone call from Ma. Kind of shocked right now. Pops had a phone interview with a company down in the ATL and they've already called him back and are flying him to Atlanta on Monday for a follow up interview. My parents already know what my dad would be making and the housing market is comparable to around here. I guess I'll have a better idea of what's going on once he has the interview... but right now I don't know what to think.

I just put in requests to use the rest of my vacation for the remainder of the year and if they move before year's end, I'll have to rethink all of that. Holidays probably wouldn't be too bad since Atlanta is only 6 hrs from Louisville and we could meet there (3ish hr drive for me). But damn. It's a lot to think about.

Screw you Drrty South, don't take my folks.

Even Though Christmas is Three Months Away

Note: I wrote this for a class a couple of years ago... stumbled upon it and figured it's just about that time of year! The prompt was: a door that is not entered.

Even Though Christmas is Three Months Away

She stood there on the stoop looking pert and in good posture. Her white patent Mary-Jane’s gleamed in the reflection of the polished glass door. Behind the glass was a second cherry-red door, newly painted with a tiny round peephole much higher than the top of her head. She smoothed the front of her dress with her tiny right palm, just before reaching her index finger to press the small black button that would chime “Fur-Elise”. In her left hand she held a little catalog of various gift wrap, chocolates and candles, with a pink glitter-pen clipping an order form to the cover. The girl’s eyes met her own and she tightened her lips, running her tongue along the purse, tasting grape Lip Smackers. She lightly rocked on her heels, in wait; she liked the way the skirt of her dress moved. The pastel embroidered flowers around the hem stirred like in the wind as she swayed her hips.

No one came to the door. Keeping her feet in place, the girl attempted to peer into the nearest window, cocking her head as her chocolate bob swung against her right shoulder. Once more she reached for the doorbell. Within seconds a Stepford wife answered, wiping soppy hands onto a frilled white apron, keeping the glass shut. The girl parted her lips, ready to push her well-practiced words from her mouth. The woman furrowed her brow, almost sorrowfully, her eyes fixated on the girls catalog, and said sweetly, “I’m sorry, hon; my son must be in your class. We’ve already ordered Christmas paper, enough for two years!”

Crumpling the freckles on her little nose, the girl replied, “That’s okay.” She was missing a front tooth and a little whistle escaped when she pronounced her s’s. “Thank you very much, anyway, for supporting our school.” The mother nodded and quietly shut the red door.

Spinning around, her skirt swirled with her hair as she hopped down each front step. The child walked dutifully down the cement path, rustling tulips on her way. No one wants to buy caramel filled sweets from anyone but their own kid.

Happy

Hi.

Just like you to know that I am happy.

:)

It's just Monday.

And I basically am not in a "work" mindset right now. Thank you, three day weekend.

So anyway, you know what I was up to this past weekend and this coming week includes:

• Two 1460 promos
• Dinner with Mrs. C
• Pumpkins w/ Miss B (& maybe even Davelani?) Little X is in the parade. Love that kid. Should be fun to see :)
• The Kooks & the Whigs

My weekend is pretty wide open at this point (whew). Though I'm pretty sure I know who a lot of it will be spent with :) Would like to carve a pumpkin. Need to take care of the stupid computer BS. I never know what to do with myself when I lack obligation!

Weekend Recap

Having Friday off was wonderful. Thursday night saw the Black Keys in a slew of great company. The Keys are always a great live show--- it's amazing the kind of music a drum kit and a guitar can make when you're so used to seeing a circus of musicians on stage at any given time.
Took advantage of being able to sleep in on Friday to the fullest and didn't hit the road to Columbus until after one. Dolled up at Ma & Pa's and headed to the 'Zinger wedding.
T's wedding was beautiful. It was at the Art Institute in a beautiful hall (albeit, with a half naked Native American.. ha!) and was cocktail style from the moment you walked in. The ceremony took place right in the center of the room with quick and painless vows. T looked beautiful and full of baby in a gorgeous gown and rockin' 'do. Congratulations, lil' Mama :)
Headed back to the house and contemplated either getting crunk with Ma or heading back to Columbus. I had to work a 1460 promo at noon Saturday, so I opted to just go home that night so I could sleep in. Popped by Huber to see LKM for a minute and made the sleepy journey back home.
Saturday I worked the aforementioned promo and was too hot and tired to tailgate so the boys and I stuffed our faces at Champps for the first half of the game. I then went home and passed out. Woke up for a hot second... then passed out again. Which brings us to...
Sunday (yesterday). Ran some errands (yes, I ran errands for a purpose not just to listen to the Brunch in my car!) and picked up TC and headed to the Italian Festival. Met up with DaveLani, F & M-F. Managed to get some red sauce on my white tee (what's new?) but other than that, all was well. To cap it all off, I had a really good time yesterday evening and I really don't want to jinx it so that's all you get for now :)

Well, it happened.

Yesterday, after a simple rain, we lost power for a bit.
Note: During the entire Ike fiasco we never once had to reset a single clock!
Well, the ol' HP Desktop is dead. I left it on and the power went out and now I'm almost certain it needs a new power supply unit. But I'm thinking.... since I got that four years ago exactly, that I should probably just get all of my personal files off of that thing (which means I need an external hard drive) and go in for a laptop. My work 'top sucks balls (it's an old IBM) and I want to get a new desk for my room anyway, so I guess this is just what I'll need to do.


Holy mother of spending, batman.

Good morning :)

There are a couple of reasons why I shouldn't feel quite so chipper and alert this morning, but I love when I just have a shit eating grin on my face that just won't quit :D

I think that Death Cab For Cutie (namely Ben Gibbard) has a preoccupation with being with someone for the wrong reasons. The songs are about people who don't feel what they think they need to feel. They are looking out and want something more but sometimes they stick with it (settle) anyway. I hear it as a common theme in too many of their songs. Just a few, while I'm not feeling very ambitious:

Cath
You Can Do Better Than Me (kind of-- a different perspective)
Tiny Vessels
Your Heart is an Empty Room
Crooked Teeth


And anyway, that's not something I ever want to feel.

Me time.

I'm barely ever home anymore. I'm okay with this... but sometimes I miss just being a piece of shit sitting on the couch. I also miss working out. The point is, I miss not having social obligations. Oh boohoo for having people in my life for wanting to spend time with me, right? I'm just tired. I need to learn how to turn down an invite or two and just chill the hell out... or is that what Sundays are for?

Weekend Highlights

Friday: Columbus Blue Jackets game. Wasn't feel very well at first but being around people snapped me out of it. Enjoyed a corn dog and a win!
Saturday: Went in for a lovely massage. Just an hour, but should have made the appointment for longer. Since there was so much tension in my neck and shoulders from the accident, the therapist couldn't really get to my lower body at all. My neck feels better, but I think I might schedule another appointment soon just to get everything worked out better.
Stopped by Easton with JG. And that's that with that I think.
Dressed to the nines and headed out to the art museum for a benefit with Moods. Drank many pomegranate and champagne cocktails. Saw Gordon Gee cutting a rug in front of the live band. He wasn't my president, but I like him heaps better than Karen Holbrook!
Sunday: Champagne induced headache. Laziness. Needed a day like that (minus headaching).

Loving this week's lineup of fun:
Tonight: My Morning Jacket Tomorrow: lunch with Mama before her doc appt. Thursday: The Black Keys Friday: Taking the whole day off and going back home for the Wharzinger wedding ;)

I forgot one:

“Sometimes you've got to let everything go - purge yourself. If you are unhappy with anything . . . whatever is bringing you down, get rid of it. Because you'll find that when you're free, your true creativity, your true self comes out.” Tina Turner

Recommenced

Adventures in Dating : Back in Action

So I don't want to get into too many details because I'm not really one to kiss and tell. (Okay, I am but you know who you are and whether you're privy to such information :wink:) But the dating race is back on and I'm unsatisfied with the options.
Also, I think I am incapable of meeting a single available man. Well, I mean, I obviously am but there's often something wrong with them. And then there are the pseudo-attached guys. I'm hard pressed to find a man who will tell me they have a girlfriend and that they love her very much.
The story usually goes something like this: we flirt a minute, maybe a drink is bought or jokes exchanged. Then a subject comes up in which we share the details of our current dating lives. Cue the "girl I'm kind of seeing" (Note: she is only brought into the conversation if I specifically ask. These developments are never volunteered). This is usually synonymous with "I have a girlfriend, our situation is less than perfect but things are okay but I think you are cute so let me make things sound worse than they are and bitch about our relationship so that I have my foot in the door with you in case anything 'happens'."
And with that... I am backburnered. This seems like the case more often than not. While I am flattered to be considered Plan B, I'm tired of it. I like to delude myself and think that the guys I'm attracted to are such magnificent catches that of course! Why wouldn't someone already have caught them? Or maybe I like a challenge because I'm not ready for an actual relationship? (It's hard to psycho analyze oneself, you know.)

Anyway, one thing I struggle with because I am too afraid of hurting people's feelings (yeah, I know I can still be a dick anyway, but still) is letting a guy down. Maybe we just don't have that spark even though it should be there (as is the current situation), maybe he weirds me out, is boring, we don't have anything in common, etc. & etc.
My general strategy with this is the distance move. I withdraw (I mean, I really am uninterested so it's not hard) and hope he gets the hint. Thing is, they don't always get the hints. So then, I get irritated and have to come up with an alternative. But I'm bad at it, so I withdraw further (if that's possible) and am eventually pushed to have to say, "Enough! Not interested!" But it's looking like this next thing is going to need a sit-down and talk. We'll see. I wish I was more comfortable with providing more details, but ... meh.

Welcome, Favorite Month!

And October is upon us! October has long been one of my favorite months. I love the weather the best, the colors, the clothing, the festivities, the food... which reminds me, I want to find the best pumpkin chocolate chip cookie recipe. Anyone?
Excited to see some good faces this weekend. LKM is heading up here for a show tomorrow, the Art Benefit with Moods is Saturday and Sunday I'm going to hang with RS (I know... I know like 10 people who are "RS") while he's up here from Cinci.
Pretty pumped to wear a LBD to a different art museum this weekend and next. I like dressing up just as much as I like dressing down. I was telling a friend yesterday that my style is either low key or high class. ;)

I'd Probably Be Happy

Bright Eyes The First Day of My Life

This song is perfect. This video is perfect. Hearing it at the wedding was... heart wrenching. I had sent S a list of song suggestions a while ago and was happy to hear that K picked out a few to play at the reception. I'm pretty nonchalant about ceremoniously heralded milestones- unless you involve music. Things get pumped to a-whole-nother level when they are set to a soundtrack.

So when this song came on during the first part of the reception, I (dateless as I was) sulked a bit. Then, cue the first dance: God Only Knows. I'll be honest, I'm not a huge crier these days and I teared up a bit. It was a crazy moment of feeling intensely happy for these two individuals I care about and then feeling the loneliest I've ever felt. Another musical blow to my aching heart was when S's sister and MOH, E, sang a song accompanied by a pianist. The lyrics, the moment, and the look on the bride's face were priceless. She did a fantastic job and my poor heart was mangled.
I'll live.

Until T's wedding next Friday. Oy, heart, brace yourself.

Weekended

The weekend was pretty good.
Friday night got a little crazy, met and spent time with some cool people.
Saturday was S & K's wedding. She's a funny girl, love her to pieces. She was calmer than anyone else on her wedding day. Lovely ceremony and gorgeous reception. S looked amazing. Congratulations to the beautiful couple!
Sunday I slept far too much. Made it to the Welcome Week concert on campus. J was spinning between sets. There were some technical difficulties during his set prior to the Roots and he was pretty bummed. But the Roots were pretty great, they are a good live show. It had been about 5 years since I had seen them last.

I hope to take it easy this week. I need to spend some time with my apartment. It hasn't seen much of me lately.

Open letter to the people I love.

Dear People Who Are Very Dear to My Heart but Are Struggling Right Now:

I'll give you the bottom line first: I have so much love for you and I'll do what I can to support you with an open mind and a closed mouth. You are each very special to me and it pains me to see your mental and emotional anguish. My heart swells up when I hear you sound so sad and I wish I could help via cupcake, wine, laughter-- whatever will make you smile and forget for a little minute.
Please don't spread yourself so thin... I would hate to see you whither from it. Be good to yourself and do what you need to do and I will support whatever makes it easier for now- because sometimes all a person needs to know is that someone (me) is here and ready to give you 100% attention, if only for a 15 minute call or an hour conversation. I have a hell of a lot of affection for the people in my life that have good hearts and the best intentions. No matter how close we are, I am here. Don't look so blue, sweetpea. I hate to see you that way.

All my love,

L

Favorite Quotes- Some Gems for You

Feel free to steal. Too much blogging in one day. Must. Stop. This is obviously a quiet day at the office.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. Mark Twain
I love this quote because nothing thrills me more than finding precisely the right word for something-- one that fits so perfectly it's as if the word were tailor fit for that exact moment.

She had an unequaled gift, usually pen in hand, of squeezing big mistakes into opportunities. Henry James

I think every experience can be turned into decent prose if you know how to spin it. Ingenuity in a situation.

One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well. Virginia Woolf
I'm a foodie. Plain and simple. :)

Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. Robert A. Heinlein

Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. Albert Einstein
Because no idea is truly original. Everything is inspired by something.

If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary. David Sedaris
Just because I love him.

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. Oscar Wilde

In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. Robert Frost
Look it's my life philosophy ;)

You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. Dr. Seuss
Aw. Just... aww.

You can never be overdressed or over educated. Oscar Wilde
Love Oscar.

I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun. Kat Hep

I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours. Stephen Henry Roberts.
I'm not an atheist but I appreciate what this is trying to say.

Once more, with feeling

Johari Window

Pretty neat little application. Just curious. Don't hold back, it's anonymous.

Daydreamer

Just thought I would share... To pass the time at work, I daydream about trips. Sometimes they happen (ie Vegas) but most of the time they don't. I want to globe trot-- I have a passport, but poor thing doesn't have any stamps. I live on Priceline. I try and come up with the cheapest flights (from CMH or DAY) to places like Hawaii, Seattle, London, Nashville. I use Google Earth to zoom in on the Galapagos or beaches in Beliz. I've all but clicked the "book" button on sites for all-inclusive cruises and resorts.
I even play around on Google Maps to see how far it would take to drive to other Midwestern cities ... or even to Windsor for good ol' Canadian gambling.

I need to get out of here.

Addtionally.

One I forgot, that is listed as my Religious Views on facebook, is joie de vivre.
I think it is very important to remember to make yourself happy because it's your life... you can live compassionately but cannot forget about yourself. There's someone out there that wants to see you as happy as much as you want to make others happy.
There is no reason why anyone shouldn't experience joie de vivre. I'm thrilled to the bone to be living. Sometimes your heart can hurt and often we subject ourselves to undue stress, but at the end of the day, if a person can say "wow, life is good" despite it all, then that's a great place to be. That's how I feel, anyway, and I can only hope and wish that the people I care about dearly can say the same.


If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased.
Katherine Hepburn

I'll be honest...

I've become a pretty proficient e-stalker. I'm a real wiz with the google. Ms. T can probably get my back on this one... sometimes your curiosity gets the best of you and you want to know more about someone/something for perspective enhancement purposes (aka a hunt for truth).

Well, today I have stumbled upon something that makes me physically ill. I have been lied to, someone else has been lied to-- all because a certain person would like to have their cake and it eat, too. I feel nauseous and I'm absolutely certain my heart has sunk so far down into my chest and is now resting on my stomach causing me to want to vomit. I'm too sick to feel angry, but I'm going to try not to do anything stupid once the anger comes.
Don't worry, your secret is safe- you just have to live with it.

And I am a wiser woman for this.

First and foremost...

Happy Birthday, to SH & SG! Two amazing women who I am very thankful to have in my life :)

Watch: Layer Cake

Don't watch: Crash

Mondays feel like Mondays.

Pretty good weekend... completely relaxing and free from obligations.
Friday spent some time hanging out with C and some folks while she was still in town from the UK.
Saturday ran some errands, wished H-man a happy 6th birthday and picked up some things for my bedroom walls. Met up with L at North Market for a late lunch and chitchat. We made the decision to avoid the bars on Park St. that night and ended up having a pretty good time.
Sunday had brunch and laid around all day before a crew of us met up to see Igor, which had some pretty cute, though dark, humor. See it.
All in all, it's Monday and it feels like Monday, but the weekend was what I needed.
This weekend S & K get hitched!

Right.

Fish in the sea, revisited.

Plenty of them.

Right?

A little disappointed today, won't be seeing B this weekend due to his demanding job. Que sera. Maybe next week.

Miss C will be in town, seeing her after work. She's in from London, UK for a bit and I haven't seen her since last summer in San Francisco. I would love to visit her there!

After work yesterday I went to my hair place in the 'View and I love it. I have a lot less hair, but don't worry, still have the length. My guy gave me lots of layers, shorter bangs and thinned me out so much. Although it's still long and thick, it looked like there was a pomeranian lying at my stylist's feet by the time we were done. It feels lighter and has a lot of movement. I feel spoiled when I go there. If anyone would like a recommendation, let me know!

Anyway, today will be a long day for me but thank goodness tomorrow is Friday.

Mantras

I go through personal mantras in cycles. I think I need to collect them all here so I can remind myself. One of my personal favorites that really keeps myself in check is Is this the biggest complaint I have? It genuinely puts things into perspective. Kind of like It could be worse. One of my biggest pet peeves is being around whiners who don't do anything about their situation, so I can't go ahead and be a whiner myself, can I?

Another one that I have by my desk on a Post-It is Remember, if it scares or intimidates you, you probably don't understand it. So, if I'm given a new task or something to do and I'm a little hesitant--- I need to just suck it up and learn how to do it, because once I know what something is all about, it's easy. (Knowledge is power?)

My big favorite: Water off a duck's back. It's such a cheesy grandpa phrase. But I love it. No bigs, right? Just let your problems/negativity roll right off. It's the best thing you can do to not be affected by bad energy.


[/Hippie spiel]

Right now I'm reading a book called Paint it Black by Janet Fitch, who also wrote White Oleander. I like it, very visual.

I've played Oracular Spectacular by MGMT repeatedly in the car. It's got such a great feel. Good energy. The last couple of songs are reminiscent of the Flaming Lips and I'm not saying they sound like them, but this album reminds me of what the Shins' Oh, Inverted World did to me years ago.

Speaking of car, I got mine back this morning. And it's had a bath :) Thank goodness! They probably saw where B had written "wash me" in the dirt and pollen film.

Going to see the Walkmen tonight because I've been craving live music and good people (C&A and I'm not sure who else).

Trying to fill up my week so it passes by quickly.

ETA: Thank you, R, for calling me out on my abbreviations. 'Top is laptop, the 'Book is Facebook, the 'Space is myspace... I also regularly say: whatevs, no bigs, drop dead (as in gorgeous), head over (as in heels)... etc.

daughter in the house of fools

I'm tired.

The bachelorette shindig was a good time, check the 'Book and/or the 'Space early this week for pictures.

Got home today around noonish, napped a while and received a call from Mama warning me not to leave my apartment or risk getting struck by debris. (wth?) I looked out the window and observed a slight breeze. No sweat, right? Wrong. "The shingles are coming off of our roof. Be careful."

So, I nap again.

I awake to insane winds! Upwards of 60mph, Ike trying to reach out to the Midwest. Things calmed down around 9pm. A lot of the city is without power, as I observed when I picked up Moods who hasn't had power since this afternoon. I needed to find a grocery store and I was feeling restless. We went on quite an adventure... it seems as if the whole city is at the movies, as the parking lot at the theater was overflowing with cars. I drove past 3 Krogers, all dark, before we ended up at one about 15 minutes away from the 'View.

Here's hoping there's no power at work in the morning!

And just smiling at the sound

And... a full week is culminating at the weekend. Heading back to the ol' hometown for the folks' anniversary. I believe we will be having Mexican since Moms loves her 'ritas! Saturday, pending a bit of running around and taking care of business (aka taking over my student loans, oy) I will be heading to the Queen City (Cincinnasty) for S's bachelorette party. Should be a good time.

Next weekend should be pretty awesome, as Chicago (who from this point forward will be referred to as "B") should be in town. If you couldn't have guessed, B's from Chicago and it's been nearly three weeks since we've seen each other. Fortunately, time flies for me when I've got something to really look forward to.

You must not know 'bout me.

Okay, here it is. The aforementioned People are Replaceable theory.

A little background: Yes, my parents are still together. Tomorrow they are celebrating 26 years of marriage. However, growing up as an Air Force brat, people have wafted in and out (mostly out) of my life. I attended-- 14? schools before I graduated from high school, although I spent the tail end of 7th grade through high school graduation in the same district. I don't have those lifelong omfgurmyBFFs that people in Anytown, Ohio grew up with. I'm okay with this, there are pros and cons of both upbringings. Actually, it will be interesting to see how my lil' bro turns out. At a decade younger than me, he pretty much only has memory of living in one house.

Anyway, it's not like I don't have a capacity for building close relationships with people-- I very much do. I have a complete understanding of object permanence and do try to keep in touch with people I enjoy having in my life. However, I have this low bullshit tolerance level and while I am a pushover, it's easy for me to eventually just let people go if I don't think they are the best fit in my life. I don't do unnecessary stress. If I have too much on my plate, I just stop and reevaluate what I'm doing and if it's totally necessary and good for me. Sometimes, there are volatile people around that my life would be just fine without. Okay, you're off the Xmas card list. It's that simple.

No, Reader, I don't mean to say that you are unimportant in my life, I just mean that there are 138470328470187430982347 fish in the sea (okay, more like 6billionish). This is why I don't believe in soul mates. It's a fantastic idea, really, but it's completely unrealistic. One can be compatible with so many other people in many different capacities. When I love, I love wholly. If for whatever reason it doesn't work out, I can love again. I'm not going to dramatize the romantic notion of "you are my one true love" and "I surely cannot go on without you in my life". No. Life goes on, you move on. Sometimes it's sad, often heartbreaking to lose a best friend or a lover, but these ROLES can be replaced. I'm not saying individuals are replaceable/interchangeable, but their roles in another's life can be very transient.

Maybe that's why I very much look forward to becoming a mother someday... I think my children will be the exception.

What do I want?

Last night I had an inspiring conversation with an acquaintance and while a string of pearls-of-wisdom was bestowed upon me, one question really stuck out. It was kind of along the lines of what do I want to do? Kind of who I want to be and what I desire to really be doing... and evaluating if I'm on the path towards it. Once I was kind of coached in the right direction to really answer the question... I said I want to be a wonderful mother and a fantastic wife. That's the end result that I want, yeah? So, why do I do what I do? Because I have this strong desire to prove to myself that I can do things on my own and take care of myself. How can you take care of the people you love when you can't even take care of yourself?
I'm self sufficient and I love it right now. I didn't go to college to receive my MRS- I did what I did because I saw that getting my degree was the right stepping stone for me. The job I'm in now is also an excellent stepping stone. I want to ultimately taste personal success and gain the freedom to work as a freelance writer or editor-- so that I can do what I love while being able to help my (future) family and not losing a sense of myself and what I enjoy (correcting other people. ha!).

I think I've gotten to the point in my life where I'm pretty much at peace with however the chips may fall. Got into a car wreck... not too bad but I would rather pay the $$ and get it taken care of and have other people worry about it for me than get worked up over it. Sometimes people come and go from your life that you would rather see stay... but it's cool, there are more people out there. (I promise to write a blog about my "people are replaceable" theory. It's awful, but I'll do it.) But even though things sometimes aren't that awesome, look! You're alive and life goes on. I love my life. (You have no idea how fabulous it is to be able to say this with conviction.) Problems can be solved with ingenuity or with time. So when things aren't going according to plan, I just say: No bigs.

Additionally:

I got to wear my new jacket today! The onset of fall weather pleases me to no end.

For my inconvenience...

I left work early yesterday and passed out for five glorious hours (thank you, muscle relaxer!). Ate, took a pain killer and passed out once again.
For some reason, my whole life, I cannot take many medications without just falling straight to sleep. If it's "daytime" I will get jittery, but any other cold/sinus/pain killers... fuggetaboutit. I'm dead to the world.
So, because I slept in lieu of doing laundry, I woke up at 6am to do it since this whole week I'll be pretty busy. It's not that I don't have enough underwear to last me 6 months if I never did wash...

At about 8:15 this morning, it started. The calls. I've received about 8 or 9 this morning so far. After the 3rd/4th call, it started to go like this:
Caller: Hello, is [my full name pronounced awkwardly] there?
Me: Yes, this is her.
Caller: How are you doing this morning?
Me: Listen, if this is about my car accident, I'm fine. Thank you. Goodb-.
Caller: But we can offer you something totally different! And I know you've probably been told by at least fi-
Me: I've already been to the doctor.
Caller: Oh.

Sick of this dialogue, I decided to go ahead and call my claims agent so I can ignore calls for the rest of the morning and looks like I'm going to get a good little settlement and a nice chunk of change for my "inconvenience". This will take care of my deductible, rental and shopping habits :)

Living another day.

Not feeling amazing and the post-car-accident proceedings have got me down. I'm desperate for a nap and a massage.

I don't have enough energy to be profound at the moment.

Adventures in Dating: Case Closed?

So, many have heard my recent dating tales which include, but are not limited to, attractive, successful and creative men who are: full to the brim with baggage, sociopaths, histrionic, colorless, etc. My experiences have made for very entertaining stories for coworkers, friends & my mother.

But I've met someone. It's fantastic and wonderful and not without it's own (hopefully temporary) hitches, but it's definitely at the point where one has to take care of business: eliminating the laundry list of suitors.

This has been easy and hard. I'm non confrontational and tend to disappear when I'm not interested. Sometimes this works. Other times... they rear their ugly often good looking heads (I don't date uglies, let's be serious) and I am faced with getting rid of the problem. I've had to blatantly tell guys I'm not interested when I'm finally annoyed to the very last straw. I have turned an issue around on them and made it seem like it would be impossible for us to ever be together due to some circumstance or other (while trying to eliminate any and all hope for the future). And for others... it's simply a matter of dropping the phrase "guy I've been talking to" and they simply retreat. I think I've nipped the last couple in the bud.

My stories may be less interesting for some, as I have far less "characters" to deprecate after a social encounter gone wrong. For anyone who has listened to my dating anecdotes, they only know any of these admirers as pseudonyms based on circumstance, profession or otherwise (ie the lawyer, Special K, the Mormon) but all that remains is... Chicago.

You'll meet him soon enough.

Wrecked.

I have terrible luck with cars. Atrocious luck.

I have had my 2005 Accord for less than four months. During the first week I experienced a flat tire.

Saturday night, leaving Oktoberfest, I was rear ended. By a Lincoln as old as I am. Driven by a littledude who just got out of jail. For arson. And is uninsured. Fabulous.

My passenger and I are alive, albeit not feeling fantastic in the back/neck area. I'm getting my bumper fixed later this week and will be in a rental for a bit. Great.

Re-.

Well, this does seem the way to go.

I've definitely been feeling the urge to write again lately, and I've been doing so via pen and paper. This seems more practical- as I tend to not date my handwritten thoughts and often lose them or forget if they were just a quote or my own idea. (Crazy?)

Also, I was with Xanga off and on (more off than on) since 2002. And myspace blogging is stupid and I don't want to offend with "preferred lists". So this is it. A new tool for flexing my creative muscles and exercising my lexical artistry. And remembering what the heck I do on a given day.